Atheism Can Be Frightening

TheScream1UpI still vividly remember the scary jumble of emotions that hit me when I allowed myself to imagine there was no god. The first thought was a rather funny (well, funny in retrospect!), “Oh my God – there is no GOD!” that was accompanied by the sensation of falling …as if someone had pulled the floor from under me. I think the analogy is quite suitable because the foundations for virtually everything I thought I knew up ’til that moment came from religion.

  • Morality came from religion.
  • The meaning of life came from religion.
  • How we got here came from religion.
  • What would happen to me after I died came from religion.

Suddenly, there was this blank slate. Nothing I thought I had known, was known.

It scared the hell out of me to realize there was no grand purpose for humanity and my life, that there was no afterlife, and that there was no set moral code telling me how to live. In other words, my religiously based life had been replaced by an immense void.

However, fear and uncertainty very quickly gave way to an insatiable, unconstrained curiosity to learn. I became full of a sense of wonder I hadn’t had since my childhood fascination for space and dinosaurs. Life was now an open road and I realized my new purpose was to explore that road.BlueMarble1Kx1K

That was almost two years ago, and my curiosity hasn’t abated – not in the least. In fact, I’d say it’s just getting stronger.

Which brings me to you. If fear has held you back from thinking god might not exist, I encourage you to press on – the rewards are truly immense. A mind-opening, perhaps even (dare I say it?) spiritual experience awaits you.

And to my fellow non-believers who get frustrated with those who don’t seem to be hearing your message, please try to be patient – there is a lot at stake for them. Letting go of immortality for one’s self and one’s loved ones can be enormously difficult, and your proposition brings a great deal of fear and uncertainty with it.

All that aside, de-conversion after years and years of belief is possible. If I can do it at 40, anyone can.

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April 18, 2010 · Filed Under Atheism, Finding Meaning

Comments

9 Responses to “Atheism Can Be Frightening”

  1. Michael on April 18th, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Very good post. Having grown up Christian I went through exactly the same thing, to a degree. The doubt was there since I was a child, I was just scared to acknowledge it until I was in my teens.  I was an adult before I became confident enough to admit it to myself and in my thirties before I was fearless enough to admit it to everyone else.
    As frustrating and frightening as fundamentalist who take the bible literally are, I find that the more new aged “living bible” Christians are even more infuriating. They change their religion to accommodate what they want to believe at the moment and when they try to challenge nonbelievers they simply can’t see how ridiculous they sound. They are even less reasonable than their nutty brethren. They just do it with a condescending smile on their face.
    So the bible is the word of an infallible, all knowing god, but none of what he said was meant to be taken literally? It’s all meant to be interpreted to fit your world view? You don’t see the problem with that? Yet as ridiculous as religion is, they just don’t get that their views are even more ridiculous because their is just made up as they need it and only loosely based on the made up religion they profess to believe in.
    At least the nutty religious zealots and fundamentalist have the conviction to  practice all the hate and bile they believe. Their not a bunch of wishy washy, revisionist Christians.
    I recently did a speech about atheism in one of my classes and believe it or not it was the ones with the more literal views that were the easiest to talk to. They wanted to learn and understand more about what I said. The revisionist Christians were the more aggravating of the bunch and just wanted to be condescending and show me the “truth” of their made up religion. they had no arguments to support anything and couldn’t even see it. It’s like talking to a mentally impaired brick wall.

  2. The God Critic on April 22nd, 2010 at 7:20 am

    I had a very similar experience. When I was a believer, I had no interest in science or how the world worked because I thought God did it.

    After my de-conversion, I realized just how little I knew about, well, everything. One of the great joys for me now is learning as much as I can.

    Excellent post, BTW.

  3. Evil Merodach on April 28th, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Wow, that sounds like an intense experience: the whole platform of your world suddenly collapses leaving no structure and no purpose to the universe.

    Unfortunately, I cannot relate. I was brought up a Christian in the Bible Belt but, the more I was exposed to church and Sunday school, the more outlandish it seemed. Any questions to adults about the Bible quickly devolved to an unsatisfying “God made it that way.” It was clear that religion was not to be questioned — and for good reason. It doesn’t stand under scrutiny. By the time I was in sixth grade I was a non-believer based solely on my own conclusions.

    It wasn’t frightening to me; it just made a lot more sense. The platform was already rotten and couldn’t support even a child’s critical thinking.

  4. Badger on May 2nd, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    I think that non-belief is even scarier than you describe.

    Imagine being totally responsible for ones every action and inaction. Imagine there is no safety net at all. Imagine that everything happens only as a result of random chance. Imagine that life, the word, and the universe are not fair, and that it doesn’t have to even out in the end. Imagine that there is no one, ever, to kiss everything and make it better in the end.

    Being naked in the icy blast of reality is very uncomfortable, or intolerable to most people.

    But, you and I know the constant wonder, fascination, and curiosity that are the positive side of the above. We know the sweetness of every second because it is all we have, and all we can be sure of. We feel the freedom and gladly accept accountability for our lives.

    We know the joy that all the answers are not in a book, and every day is one of new discovery.

  5. Larry Spencer on May 5th, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Couldn’t agree more.

    I was a Christian for 40 years, and deconverted at age 52 when, among other things, I finally took an honest, no-excuses look at the horrors that are in the Bible.

    As you found, many positive aspects of my being only got stronger as a result: I cherish life more, I have even more thirst for learning, I have more joy and wonder. All that without losing my love for my family or my desire to do the right thing.

    Thanks for blogging. I’ll be reading with interest.

  6. Nadina Cardillo on May 9th, 2010 at 4:31 am

    I am 15 now and although I took religion classes at school, I never believed there was a god. I think it’s funny now I look back because I didn’t understand why they were so interested in us learning about one single book for so many years!

    There was a day in Religion class when I started suspecting they actually believed the stuff on the Bible, so I asked “Did this happen for real?”, and the teacher said “Yes, yes it did”, so I asked “Is Pokemon real too?” -What? I was 10!- “No, pokemon is not real” she said. “Why not?” “Because it’s not” “And why is the Bible real?” “Because it is!”.

    Maybe we can blame the simplicity(read ‘stupidity’) of the teacher’s argument on the fact that she was talking to a 10 year old girl, but I just didn’t buy it.

    I envy you people who’ve had a religion before being atheists, because at least you’ve experimented once what it feels to be completely sure of the answers to those infamous questions ;)

    bran
    November 23rd, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    Hey what do you say about probablity????

  7. Nadina Cardillo on May 9th, 2010 at 4:32 am

    By the way, I added your awesome blog to my blogroll at http://thedailyadventurer.wordpress.com :)

  8. Phoebe on October 15th, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Interesting article! I know I should have patience, but I still don’t really understand how anyone can just hear and believe the unbelievable. Like I mentioned in another comment on another article, I never believed in Santa even though EVERYONE in my life was telling me it was true. (all the lying made me kind of misanthropic, actually)

    Even at age 3 I knew reindeer could not fly, that a fat old man could not fit down a chimney, nor could he travel the entire world visiting every single residence in one night. All the world’s religions have equally ridiculous premises.

    I don’t know if I will ever be able to understand how one can experience the real world day in and day out, and still believe complete and utter nonsense. As a young child I never understood why my peers believed the Santa nonsense, could they truly not see that only winged animals can fly?? and why would they ever believe something big could fit into a small hole when that never happens in reality? (without being totally squished, that is)

    I don’t understand the way non-skeptic minds work, but I will keep trying and maybe I’ll understand one day.

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