Someone’s obviously just returned from being cast away on a remote island.

This would make him laugh

1. Thou shalt promise heaven for believers at the beginning of arguments, and hell for non-believers at the end of arguments.
2. Thou shalt put thy fingers in thy ears and repeat “I’m not listening, I’m not listening” when confronted with evidence against your faith.
3. Thou shall make no attempt to understand scientific or rational explanations of things when they conflict with the word of God.
4. Thou shalt condemn evils committed by non-believers, and ignore or praise evils committed by believers
5. Thou shalt explain all of the world’s seemingly needless suffering as “necessary but unknowable due to the mystery of the Lord”.
6. Thou shalt look forward to, and even encourage, the destruction of the world.
7. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as long as he attendith thy church.
8. Thou shalt cherry-pick the Bible to suit thy purpose.
9. Thou shalt memorize the circular argument that “God exists because the Bible tells us he exists, and the Bible was written by God, therefore it must be true”.
10. Thou shalt blame all the evils of the world – as found in the Bible and interpreted by you – on homosexuals and atheists.
11. Bonus Commandment (follow this one and get an eternal supply of salt-water taffy and Nike Air Sandals when you arrive in heaven): Thou shalt take all atheist quotes about God out of context to make it appear the source is/was a believer.