Did Pain & Suffering Lead To My De-Conversion?

It’s been suggested that I became an atheist because I am mad/upset at god for the pain and suffering he’s placed on or allowed me to experience – specifically, that I am mad my son is diabetic, and that I’ve suffered from neck and back pain.

I’ve written about not being mad at god before, and I’ll say it again – I’m not mad. I simply do not think there is a god. Being mad at god would be like being mad at pistachio flavored steak sauce (please tell me pistachio flavored steak sauce doesn’t exist!).

That said, I will admit that personal suffering was part of the thought process that led me to shed my belief in god.

Before I go down that road however, it’s important to point out that my son became a diabetic three months after my de-conversion so there is no way his diabetes could have had anything to do with it (I can just hear the whack-os telling themselves that my son’s diabetes was my punishment for ditching god!).

—

Yes, I’ve put up with a lot of physical pain, but I put up with it for years without questioning the existence of god. It never even occurred to me to somehow blame god.

The real trigger was that someone very close hurt me deeply. I simply could not believe my eyes and ears how bad the situation was, and the questions started pouring in. “How could God let this happen?” etc etc.

But, as I examined my grief, a funny thing happened – I started looking at the pain and suffering of other people, and quickly realized that mine was nothing to complain about. It became obvious that, just by being born in North America in this century, I had a huge advantage over people born elsewhere, or at at different point in history. Want to know suffering? Just take a look at the shortage of food and medicine in some places on the African continent. Many people there don’t have a chance at health, happiness or longevity – only because they were born in the wrong place and time.

When Christopher became a diabetic, I was of course upset. But the “feel-sorry-for-myself” period quickly gave way to the “we’re-so-lucky” period when I realized if we were parents of a child in the Sudan, my son would already be dead. His diabetes only served to reinforce opinions I already had.

Side Note For My American Readers: I live in Canada and have EXCELLENT health coverage for my son’s diabetes! Our public health system is NOT nearly as bad as many seem to be claiming!

So, back to the topic at hand, the problem of evil and suffering led me to question my faith and, with no adequate answers as to why god would permit these things, it all quickly began to crumble.

Today, the problems of evil and suffering still factor strongly into my atheism, but not as strongly as the lack of evidence for god does .

I’m at a point now where there are just too many reasons to count when I say that I deny the existence of the holy spirit.

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August 27, 2009 · Filed Under Atheism

Comments

18 Responses to “Did Pain & Suffering Lead To My De-Conversion?”

  1. Renshia on August 27th, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    Where in Canada, I live in BC, near Vernon

  2. 40 Year Old Atheist on August 27th, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Well, hello there, you Canucklehead, you! I’m from Edmonton.

  3. Renshia on August 27th, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    (I can just hear the whack-os telling themselves that my son’s diabetes was my punishment for ditching god!).

    If they do, then ask them to explain why my son and daughter remain perfectly healthy.
    I know, I’m his favorite.
    Wouldn’t that just be what they would do. Justify in there thinking God would take revenge on your son for your acts… But then again he did it to his son…
     

  4. Paul on August 27th, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    Looks like you’re OK

  5. Renshia on August 27th, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    My kids live in Edmonton. They were just out here last week.
    Well next time I am through we will have get together and chew on a few babies together. Hmmm nothing like roast Canadian babies

    40 Year Old Atheist
    August 27th, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    Ha! Excellent. Please get in touch with me when you are here!

  6. Paul on August 27th, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Well, that didn’t work. To elaborate on that ugly bit of non-functioning code: A google search for “pistachio flavoured steak sauce” returns exactly one result – you.
     
    I’m just north of Toronto over here.

    40 Year Old Atheist
    August 27th, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    Paul, thanks! That’s a relief (I fixed the link for you). It’s nice to meet yet another Canadian. :)

  7. Renshia on August 27th, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    Next trip I plan, I will let you know.
    Welcome Paul.
    This defiantly increases my hope for Canada.
    Maybe with a little luck, Christians will migrate south, atheist will come north and we can turn the churches into something useful like homeless shelters.

    40 Year Old Atheist
    August 27th, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    Renshia, for all its faults, Quebec appears to be leading the way.

  8. Kylyssa Shay on August 27th, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    I would love to move to Canada but I’m too poor due to the wonderful and perfect American health care system.
    Your smaller infestation of fundies and access to health care certainly make Canada an attractive prospect to an unwell, bisexual atheist such as myself.
    I, too, am an atheist because I don’t think god is real.  I was an atheist long before I even knew what suffering really was.  There have been times of suffering when I wished there were a higher power and ultimate justice somewhere but wishing never made it real.

  9. Renshia on August 27th, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    I have gotten the same thing. I however get mistaken for being angry a lot. I tend to not hold back what I think and have little social grace, so people get confused at times.
    I do have a passionate hate for religion mostly because of the damage it causes. The only way for them to convert is to manipulate a person to give up their reason.  Whether it is as a child being indoctrinated or some lonely person fool by a JW visit. It’s like they need to prey on the broken.
    I also think that it was great that I had the opportunity to explore it. It is those experiences that shaped who I have become and I like who I have become.
    So Yeah I may have a few issues with religion, but not for good reason.
     
     
     

  10. Renshia on August 27th, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Greeting Kylyssa,
    I have been to your blog. Nice of you to visit the 40 yr. old guy..
    Yeah the health care system in the states is scary.
    And all the fear mongering about  the current issues are mind boggeling.  Just imagine everybody having access to medical treatment, huh cringe at the thought…
    hopefully, Obama will get his act together, quit giving the stupid ones air time and get it into action.

  11. Jon on August 27th, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    Man, I was really hoping to avoid the health care debate here with all the other issues there are to deal with.

  12. 40 Year Old Atheist on August 27th, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Jon, you are under no obligation to comment. I was merely taking an opportunity to tell people that Canada’s system is being wrongfully slandered. It’s a very good system. Sure, it has its flaws, but it also has excellent attributes and has never let me down.

  13. mjezell on August 28th, 2009 at 2:12 am

    If you’re an American the health debate is as real an issue as the god delusion and is not going away by not talking about it.  That’s what I did for years when it came to the god issue.  For personal sanity coming out was the best thing I’ve done.   Always wanted to visit Canada…

  14. Jon on August 28th, 2009 at 10:07 am

    Mark – I know that I am under no obligation to comment.  But I do appreciate you allowing me to comment.  I really appreciate you being willing to have a dialogue with me even though I disagree with a lot of your views. 

    I am also glad to know that you have had a good experience with the Canadian health care system.  I have a lot of friends that live in Canada, and I have heard some very bad things about the system from them, so I am glad to hear that you like it.

    @mjezell – I realize that the health debate is a very real issue.  I am just a little sick of hearing about, because there are so many people that don’t understand it, yet are very passionate about it.  For all the strengths of the Obama administration, they are handling health care very poorly.

    The goals of health care reform are noble: expanded coverage and curbing rising health care costs.  Unfortunately, the administration’s thoughts on how to accomplish those goals are impractical, unrealistic, and pretty much everyone who is willing to be a realist acknowledges that it isn’t going to work.

    The way to fix the health care system is primarily through tort reform and reduction of fraud.  If we look at the way the various states in America are set up, some of them do healthcare in a way that is light years above the others, such as Texas.  But rather than follow Texas example, the administration is attempting to follow the example of other states where things aren’t going so well at all.  It is really very silly. 

    Improving health care through tort reform is a pretty simple concept.  Limited tort makes it easy to settle malpractice lawsuits, and lowers the number that take place.  This lowers the cost of liability insurance for doctors, which lowers the cost of healthcare.  This lower cost of healthcare means more people can afford it.  And you end up with expanded coverage and lower health care costs.

    The profit margins of the private insurance industry are actually quite low in comparison to most other American industries.  Having a public insurance option wouldn’t be able to suck a lot of money out of healthcare costs because there isn’t a lot of money to suck out of the insurance industry, in contrary to common perception.  Additionally, the public option would be bad for the economy as a whole because of the problems it would cause for the insurance and healthcare industries, which is exactly the opposite of what America and Americans need right now.

    The government sponsored/run health care programs, such as medicare and medicaid are also extroadinarily inefficient.  Some number which is susbtantially north of 10% of the money that is spent in these programs is spent on fraudulent claims.  When private insurance companies manage these government sponsored programs for the government, the amount of fraud is substantially under 2%.  So, that is a lot of money that is currently wasted when you realize how large these programs are.  And there is no reason to believe that the government would operate any more efficiently in the proposed program.

    Finally, (and this is the part that I would think would upset you as athiests) Obama has been appealing to religious leaders that his healthcare plan is the “christian” thing to do.

    So, the health care debate is really very silly because its reasonably obvious to anyone who has really examined the situation (as much of the private industry has) what things could be done to improve the system, but the administration is stubbornly sticking to an idea that is simply impractical.

  15. 40 Year Old Atheist on August 28th, 2009 at 10:19 am

    @Jon: Thanks for explaining your thinking on this. I admit that I am ignorant of many facts with regard to health reform in the US. What bugs me is how Canada’s system has been so badly portrayed. It’s, as I’ve said, a very good system. Of course, it’s not perfect, but it’s damn good. Many people are told to be afraid of a Canadian-style “socialist” system. That kind of thinking, frankly, is a load of bunk.

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