Fuckin’ Christ

Today, I wanted to write something funny, but this came out instead.

Since my de-conversion, I’ve had all kinds of days. I’ve had good days, bad days, great days and terrible days. The ups and downs have tended to see-saw between the joy around “I’m free to think as I want” versus the anger around “I’ve been in the dark for 40 fucking years of my life”.

I can see now why some atheists come across as angry people. It’s because sometimes, we are angry. Angry with the deception. Angry with a life controlled by bullshit. Angry we couldn’t have opened our eyes sooner, and angry there are still billions of people suffocating and suffering as we once were.

Of course, I know it could have been worse. I could be 80 years old and just now figuring this out. I still have time to reach more of my potential as a self-realized individual. I still have time to figure out what I can do to contribute to humanity.

Realizing that I am just now starting to truly think for myself, makes me also realize that I’m an intellectual and moral infant.

That last sentence has the potential to make me a bitter man. The challenge is to get past the anger, and focus on the next 40 years. A lot can still be done.

I wonder if others have had these feelings?

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June 24, 2008 · Filed Under Atheism

Comments

6 Responses to “Fuckin’ Christ”

  1. newbie atheist on June 25th, 2008 at 2:12 pm

    Yes.

    I know some who are appalled by the equating of religious education of children with child abuse, (I think Dawkins said it), but, you know, it sorta kinda is abuse. The church has long understood the critical importance of early indoctrination. You’ve probably read Greta Christina’s post on anger & atheists, but if not, google it; it’s a classic.

  2. amiable atheist on June 27th, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    i know how you feel. sometimes i feel like my blog title is a big fat lie, because i am really, really angry about the state of things, and i don’t feel like being amiable all the time.

    nice book recommendations, by the way. 3 books that were instrumental in my “deconversion”.

  3. weemaryanne on June 29th, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    FWIW: I misread “a bitter man” the first time.

    I thought it was “has the potential to make me a better man.”

    Which also makes sense, no?

    Having been an atheist since high school, I won’t claim to know how you feel. I wish it could be easier for you, and for all those who struggle to be free. But please remember that you have exactly as much time as anyone has: You have today.

    Make it count.

  4. postsimian on July 1st, 2008 at 10:39 am

    “Realizing that I am just now starting to truly think for myself, makes me also realize that I’m an intellectual and moral infant.”

    That is just about the most frustrating shit ever, isn’t it?

  5. GlassNavel on July 10th, 2008 at 1:01 am

    I can’t tell you how many times these same thoughts have gone through my head, but never as succinctly as you’ve put them. Thank you.

  6. Joy on December 21st, 2008 at 10:13 am

    “Realizing that I am just now starting to truly think for myself, makes me also realize that I’m an intellectual and moral infant.”

    YES.  So much to think… so much to question and refute inside of myself. Right there with you.

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