How I Will Raise Two Little Heathens

I became an atheist five years into my daughter’s education, and one year into my son’s. They both attend Catholic elementary school.

My wife has also largely abandoned religion (believes in “a greater force” but not a personal god) so we are, for the most part, on the same page with regard to religion.

But we also agree that moving the kids to a new school now is not the best idea. We don’t want to disrupt a stable educational situation, nor do we want them to have to make new friends (especially my daughter). So, we’re going to let them finish elementary school, and then we’ll transfer them to public junior high. This will work well since many of our kid’s classmates will also attend the public school due to there being very few Catholic schools in the area.

So, although not ideal, the whole thing provides a transition we can live with. In addition, I have a plan for systematically displacing religion’s impact on my children’s psyche.

Step one is to educate them about the thousands of religions and religious denominations. This will get them thinking about the very low probability that one religion is the right one (and the implication that the rest are all, to one degree or another, wrong). To that end, I’ve placed orders for this and this. I may add this to the list.

Step two is to introduce them to rational arguments against belief in god. To me, this step is very much like telling a child that Santa doesn’t exist. In fact, when I begin on step two, I’m going to intentionally draw parallels between the existence of Santa and God. Of course, there will be more explanation than that, but the Santa parallel will provide the bridge of showing how something you once believed in, can be absolutely false.

At first of course, the news will be disappointing to them (and probably a bit scary) but, when accompanied by strong reason (e.g analyzing the problem of suffering) and evidence-based thinking (e.g. no evidence), I am confident that it will become the only idea that makes sense. Of course, sharing our own beliefs will go a long way toward helping them see that non-belief is acceptable.

My daughter is ten and is figuring out that Santa doesn’t exist (she seems to be staying quiet about it – probably for the benefit of her brother). It’s definitely time to teach her. I’ll also start my son on step one and will proceed to step two when I think he’s ready. The last thing I want is for him to run off to school yelling, “there is no god” among a classroom full of believers.

My children will ultimately make up their own minds, but at least they’ll have access to all the options – all tempered with a good dose of rational thinking.

I’m going to follow up this post with another on my thoughts around the relationship between belief in God, Satan, ghosts and lots of other unproved stuff.

—
Oh, in case you wondered: definition of heathen

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December 11, 2008 · Filed Under Atheism, Family Matters, Religion

Comments

7 Responses to “How I Will Raise Two Little Heathens”

  1. Mac Rex on December 13th, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    I’m going to pass those book names to my freind, and AN member, who lives in Consort, AB.  She has been having trouble with her 8 year old excepting her mother’s atheism.
    Keep up the good work!

    Reply to this comment

  2. Volly on December 14th, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    I’ve sent the links on to VP and Director of Religious Education at our Unitarian Universalist church.  They are both the parents of young kids.

    I love all the children in our church — just a quick glance at their faces during service show young people who are loved and learning to love themselves and each other without guilt and superstition.

    Thanks, and here’s a link for you to check out:

    http://clf.uua.org/betweensundays/

    Reply to this comment

  3. beverly on December 16th, 2008 at 10:57 am

    The last thing I want is for him to run off to school yelling, “there is no god” among a classroom full of believers.

    Just curious … why not??

    Reply to this comment

  4. Joy on December 28th, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    beverly, were you really curious? You would want your child to run off to school and yelling your beliefs or non-beliefs? You consider your child responsible for representing your beliefs? Maybe I am completely misunderstanding your question.  I wouldn’t mind my child running off to grad school and saying such a thing, of course. <g>

    Reply to this comment

  5. Weemaryanne on January 1st, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Congratulations, and I envy your kids just a little bit for having people who care about them while also caring about the truth.

    I remember being surprised and disappointed when I told my parents “I just don’t believe it anymore” — and they didn’t argue.  I couldn’t figure out why this annoyed me, but being a teenager meant that something soon came along to distract me and I forgot the whole thing until recently.

    Now I think that my disappointment arose from the realization that I had just tossed away the most important thing in their lives, and it wasn’t important enough for them to fight a teenager over it.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah — that’s unfair.  And unrealistic.  My parents knew me well, so they knew that no amount of arguing would have changed my mind.  All the same, I still think they should have argued.

    A very happy new year to you and yours,

    Weemaryanne

    Reply to this comment

  6. Meg on January 4th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    This post was very helpful! I’m expecting a baby boy in May and often find myself wondering how I’m going to approach this issue when the time comes. Thanks for the ideas :)

    Reply to this comment

  7. Jynx Evermore on February 12th, 2009 at 12:36 pm

      Thank you so much for the links above! I have several friends who will much appreciate access to those materials.
      For those of you interested, the Freedom from Religion Foundation also has several printed resources geared toward children: http://www.ffrg.org    I find them to be gentle, patient and very well written.

    Reply to this comment

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