Did Pain & Suffering Lead To My De-Conversion?

It’s been suggested that I became an atheist because I am mad/upset at god for the pain and suffering he’s placed on or allowed me to experience – specifically, that I am mad my son is diabetic, and that I’ve suffered from neck and back pain.

I’ve written about not being mad at god before, and I’ll say it again – I’m not mad. I simply do not think there is a god. Being mad at god would be like being mad at pistachio flavored steak sauce (please tell me pistachio flavored steak sauce doesn’t exist!).

That said, I will admit that personal suffering was part of the thought process that led me to shed my belief in god.

Before I go down that road however, it’s important to point out that my son became a diabetic three months after my de-conversion so there is no way his diabetes could have had anything to do with it (I can just hear the whack-os telling themselves that my son’s diabetes was my punishment for ditching god!).

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Yes, I’ve put up with a lot of physical pain, but I put up with it for years without questioning the existence of god. It never even occurred to me to somehow blame god.

The real trigger was that someone very close hurt me deeply. I simply could not believe my eyes and ears how bad the situation was, and the questions started pouring in. “How could God let this happen?” etc etc.

But, as I examined my grief, a funny thing happened – I started looking at the pain and suffering of other people, and quickly realized that mine was nothing to complain about. It became obvious that, just by being born in North America in this century, I had a huge advantage over people born elsewhere, or at at different point in history. Want to know suffering? Just take a look at the shortage of food and medicine in some places on the African continent. Many people there don’t have a chance at health, happiness or longevity – only because they were born in the wrong place and time.

When Christopher became a diabetic, I was of course upset. But the “feel-sorry-for-myself” period quickly gave way to the “we’re-so-lucky” period when I realized if we were parents of a child in the Sudan, my son would already be dead. His diabetes only served to reinforce opinions I already had.

Side Note For My American Readers: I live in Canada and have EXCELLENT health coverage for my son’s diabetes! Our public health system is NOT nearly as bad as many seem to be claiming!

So, back to the topic at hand, the problem of evil and suffering led me to question my faith and, with no adequate answers as to why god would permit these things, it all quickly began to crumble.

Today, the problems of evil and suffering still factor strongly into my atheism, but not as strongly as the lack of evidence for god does .

I’m at a point now where there are just too many reasons to count when I say that I deny the existence of the holy spirit.

August 27, 2009 · Filed Under Atheism

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I’m Not “Mad At God”

I find it surprising that so many people assume the reason atheists are atheists is because we are mad at God.

The assumption is that we atheists are mad at God for permitting bad things to happen to us (e.g. the loss of a loved one) or, more broadly, that God permits such abounding evil and suffering in the world (e.g. the holocaust, world-wide starvation etc).

There may be some atheists who are angry, but I am definitely not one of them. The problem of evil and suffering is one argument I use to rule out the existence of god, but I am certainly not angry.

How could I be angry at something that doesn’t exist?

Most atheists rule out god based on reason and evidence (or lack of evidence). Any assumption that we are mad at him/her/it demonstrates a difficulty in understanding how our decision could be arrived at in this way. My view is that anyone with this assumption has let their own emotions color how they think others would ponder the question of god’s existence.

The assumption also arrogantly assumes we are unaware of our own emotions. Tsk, tsk…

All this to say I’m not mad at god. I have the same opinion of god that I have of unicorns.

December 18, 2008 · Filed Under Atheism

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